You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
