so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I've blown a few things in my day
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
