Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
