your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I would fuck him just for his dog
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
