They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
