I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
