I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
