Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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