Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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