I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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