Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
