So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
