Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
