Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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