Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
