I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
