i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
