you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Floor bacon is actually really good
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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