It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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