im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
