FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
