you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
