idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize