Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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