Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
