And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
