it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize