how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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