I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We need to rekindle our bromance
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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