well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
