I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
