We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
