I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
