i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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