he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
