Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize