it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
