dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
