You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
