did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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