I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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