i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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