I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize