ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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