Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
