just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
two words...techno handjob
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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