i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
