Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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