Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
