Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
