Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
