No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
