Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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