god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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