There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
