just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
