He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
