I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize