he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was confusing and full of hummus
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
