when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize