I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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