Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
