I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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