So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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