ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize