I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
