WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
