well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize