Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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